At just days away from having burnt 24 years of my life I still feel absolutely cold. In simpler words I still am perplexed about what to make of my life. Born in an upper middle class business family, (Sons are assets in most business families) I am supposed to carry on my family heritage with pride and honor. For the very purpose a lot was invested upon me on my education. I was trained in Fashion Designing and Information Technology, to back up my family business which is into textile manufacturing for the last five decades. If there is something like perfect planning this would be it. Alas it wasn’t. In the whole episode one thing was left and that was me. It was proudly said that my education was an investment for the business. So that was it, my education an investment and me an asset. But then I guess one thing was forgotten that investments can backfire and assets may become non performing ones. If only I had been treated as a human with aspirations, dreams and a life of my own.
But then hope is what keeps us going, isn’t it?
Albeit, I am confused, struggling to keep pace with life, almost living on the edge, absolutely doubtful of the future, frustrated and lost. I guess it’s still better than living in ignorance. You tell me why do we live or exist. Is it just to eat and reproduce? Living like an animal. All I see around me is a rat race for money. Not that I am against materialism but is it all we got to run for.
Pretending to be happy, pretending to be settled, pretending as if its all good back at home, pretending to be having a great time, pretending to be enjoying everyone’s company, pretending to be somebody I actually don’t even know. Why?
Why do I have to be judged? Why do I have to pretend? Why do I have to be somebody I am not?
Freedom. Well it’s a very ironical word. I sometimes wonder why such an importance is given to freedom. History shows it that a lot many countries have had great freedom struggles. But what happens when it comes down to a personnel level. What happens to our independence? Our freedom to choose a path in life, our freedom to follow our dreams, our freedom to live.
But then hope is what keeps us going, isn’t it?
Albeit, I am confused, struggling to keep pace with life, almost living on the edge, absolutely doubtful of the future, frustrated and lost. I guess it’s still better than living in ignorance. You tell me why do we live or exist. Is it just to eat and reproduce? Living like an animal. All I see around me is a rat race for money. Not that I am against materialism but is it all we got to run for.
Pretending to be happy, pretending to be settled, pretending as if its all good back at home, pretending to be having a great time, pretending to be enjoying everyone’s company, pretending to be somebody I actually don’t even know. Why?
Why do I have to be judged? Why do I have to pretend? Why do I have to be somebody I am not?
Freedom. Well it’s a very ironical word. I sometimes wonder why such an importance is given to freedom. History shows it that a lot many countries have had great freedom struggles. But what happens when it comes down to a personnel level. What happens to our independence? Our freedom to choose a path in life, our freedom to follow our dreams, our freedom to live.
Probably I am saying all this coz things aren’t goin my way, probably coz I am too selfish a person, probably I am wrong , probably its just a phase and probably more probables.
To be continued…
believe me kshitij i feel the same way as u do. although noone has openly declared me to be an asset n my education an investment, well some things are always unsaid but understood. My family has been in the dental field & i have to continue in tht too. anyhow once bds is over, u cant really do anything else (unless u r ready to throw away the investment and the years put in).
ReplyDeleteBut buddy, this is life. I would like to advise u, enjoy what u do. dont let what others say affect u. Frustration & confusion is part n parcel of this age & time. So dont get discouraged & keep striving for recognition & success
Ciao